Hello and welcome back to Tomlavigne.com. My sincerest apologies for being away for so long. I assure you I am back now for good. Keep checking in for weekly blog posts with tons of new and exciting information that you can use to improve your quality of life.

What I would like to speak with you about today will include the study, findings, and application of Linguistic Psychology. By the end of this series of posts, I would like you to have a basic understanding of the language patterns you use, and how profoundly it affects your past, present and future life. What you say is what you get my friends. Let this be the last day you walk through life unaware of, just how much, what you say affects everything you experience, good or bad. Keep in mind that this will be the first of many blog posts on this topic, and to expect more of an outline, rather than a detailed how to manual. Lets jump right in shall we.

All information presented beyond this point will be done so assuming we are in agreement on one key principle: That the greatest possible skill any person could posses, in determining his or her success or failure, would be the ability to affectively communicate.

Good! On we go.

For the sake of this post lets work with a the basic definition of Linguistic Psychology as: The study of language and its influence on the human experience. Knowing this, how can we take what we know about how language effects people, and apply it in our own lives to our greatest advantage? How can we become a master of words? How can we develop a language pattern that turns out lives into the most enjoyable experience imaginable? Let me first explain some the of challenges many people face in their own day to day struggles with communication.

There are 2 main things the cause people to become nervous about communication.

1.) A lack of preparation.
2.) Fear or worry, about how they come across to the other person.

Both of these are solely responsible for the 8 most common communication killers know to man. They are as follows.

1.) Brain Freeze- Becoming mentally sluggish, usually caused by fear or nervousness.
2.) Reply Delay- Not thinking of things until after when its too late.
3.) Self Doubt- Thinking you don’t measure up.
4.) Self Focus- Being overly self aware.
5.) Diplomatic Fog- Being too careful or cautious, hurting your ability to affectively communicate to others.
6.) Combat- Focusing too much on winning arguments, instead of on winning friends.
7.) Being too Intense- Being overly excited or talking too much.
8.) Desperation- Being under-confident and needy.

I’m sure you can see how just being aware of these things can immediately put you at an advantage in the world of communication. At the very least, you are now on your way to a better understanding of your current level of communication capabilities.

Now as you ponder this information, I urge you, not to spend too much time comparing yourself to the rest of the world in trying to analyse your own ability to affectively communicate. Rather, spend you time and immediately work to improve your abilities from where you stand right now. After all, success is not what you have done compared to what everyone else has done, success is what you have done compared to what you COULD HAVE DONE.

So lets give you some really basic actions steps that will immediately improve your ability to communicate with others.

The first of our 2 problems is that of a lack of preparation. The answer to this problem seems to be a simple one, and it is. The answer is PREPARATION. Your only going to communicate with two types of people in this world; people you know and people you don’t know. There are also only two ways you could possible engage with these people; situations you know about ahead of time, and those you don’t. Believe it or not, you can properly prepare for both of these types of meetings, and it doesn’t matter wither you know the person or not.

So how do you prepare?

When it comes to people you know, you will want to make sure you are up to speed on as much current information as possible on the details of their life. This will continue to affirm that you care for them and are interested in their life events. When it comes to people you don’t know, you will want to take whatever information you do have about them, and try to expand your knowledge base in areas you think will be of interest to them. With people you know, this is an ongoing process. With people you don’t know, this process takes on the form of a last minute study session and background check. This may seem like a lot of work, however the reward for your efforts will be a lifetime of pleasurable moment to moment interactions, as well as satisfying long term relationships.

The second of the two problems is fear or worry about how you will come across to the other person. The solution for this one is much less scientific. Its important that you realize that the vast majority of people are so consumed with thinking about themselves that they are not so much worried about how YOU come across, as they are about how THEY come across. Just relax, be confident, and be yourself. Focus your mind on them, and what they are saying, and you do just fine.

Not sure what to talk about? You can always use the six honest serving men. They are; what, when and where, who, how and why.

I want you to understand that 99.999% of people have never heard this information before. With this new knowledge you now have a distinct advantage, as well as a unique opportunity to improve you ability to communicate affectively. Be sure to look for my next post on some specific keys to affective communication.

See you next time.